Thank You for Electing Me: My Executive Orders

I’ve issued an executive order making climate change the highest priority in our nation and in my administration. Armed conflict will assume its place as secondary to the threat of global warming. Citizens, I call upon you to respect scientific findings.

Experts, doctors, nurses, and staff have been deployed to assist those who suffer mental illness. The homeless will move into new apartments and will receive skills training for jobs and independent living. 

Every remote region in all 50 states will soon have high-speed broadband. Intelligent and promising women and men still live without access to higher education simply for want of connectivity. I’m launching a campaign to remove the stigma attached to “vocational school,” and campuses of All Trades University are being built throughout our 50 states. 

I have authorized the IRS to identify and indict tax-dodging multibillionaires, and retroactive collections are underway to fully fund my initiatives.
— Joanne Bergman



I Start With a Green Economy 

If I ruled, the first thing I would do is create a green economy. Women and children are affected disproportionately by changes to our environment. Food security and cost, respiratory illness, damage to homes, rising home insurance cost — all are affected by poor decisions made about our natural environment.

Yet there are many reasons for hope in Minnesota. Renewable energy costs are dropping rapidly, and are competitive with fossil fuels, with much reduced carbon impacts. If I ruled, I would partner with progressive leaders who accelerate the solutions, and hold accountable those who have been propping up the fossil fuel industry, by demanding they create responsible policies around public health.

People want to do the right thing, and will take responsibility for solutions they have control over, like recycling and buying electric vehicles. However, when it comes to civic efforts, I know many of us are unsure what to ask our representatives to do. That’s why I became a leader in my own way. I co-founded the non-profit Vote-Climate. We have front porch conversations in districts with poor representation on this issue, have educated people on their representatives’ voting records, and have talked about the economic and health impacts of climate change. We’ve given people talking points for conversations with candidates and elected officials, and with family and friends who need a nudge to vote their values. We’ve spoken at legislative hearings, and marched and protested with our banner. Everyone is powerful. Everyone can be a leader. 
— Jean Ross



I Start With Guns 

I’m envisioning myself as the ruler of flawed, but sensible people. I see my first action as addressing violence against women. I want to decree an immediate and absolute ban on assaults against females, but I am a realistic leader. Appealing to common sense would be my tact, and I would start with guns. Every person attempting to purchase a firearm would need a background check. If there is a record of domestic abuse, my proposal prohibits the purchase. 

Meanwhile, in America, the presence of a gun in a domestic abuse situation increases a woman’s chance of being killed by 500 percent. Every month, an average of 50 women are shot and killed by a former or current partner. I do not want to lose so many of my people. Creating sensible guidelines, such as universal background checks, is my first action. 
— Gretchen Damon