My dance with fear EmergingVoices: Ginny Belden-Charles on facing fear and surviving
Ginny Belden-Charles and Marcia Hyatt
Worry keeps us from being fully engaged in present reality. It keeps us from recognizing and accessing the resources we have.
by Ginny Belden-Charles
Life has been on a great forward roll. I've had plenty of consulting work, and am making steady progress in my studies. I even had a great summer replenishing my soul on the water. It's been a time of feeling connected and "in the flow."
Then, suddenly, the Wall Street financial crisis hit, and the bottom dropped out of the stock market. The question wasn't "if" we were going into a recession, but how long we were going to be there. Within days I had a client cancel a significant piece of work. The fear questions started escalating in my head: What if my work dried up? How long could I survive on my savings? How long would this recession last? Would we need to sell our house? Would I ever be able to retire?
Fear had wrapped its tentacles around me once again. Everything looked bleak, even though the reality was not that bad: Some other work came in, and although my retirement funds had taken a hit, that had no immediate impact. And yet, the fear was palpable. I began waking up at night with "worry brain." My body became tighter, I became more sensitive, my behavior more reactive.
I fought these thoughts, reminding myself that I had survived tough times before. But fear kept coming at me full force, so strongly that I was tempted to turn off the news and withdraw. But I knew that wouldn't stop my growing anxiety. And so, I began to engage my fear.
No matter how much I try to talk myself out of it, I can't deal with the fear in my head. It sits there in the pit of my stomach, and I have to treat it gently and coax it out. I practice deep breathing. Walks outside help me put things into a larger perspective. Visualization, prayer and meditation helped me stop the ruminating. Another important practice for me is sharing my fears with others. It helps to have my feelings acknowledged, and hearing the stories of how others survive their fears helps me discover new ways to respond.
When my friend's husband was recently laid off, she modeled another practice I've adopted: taking time to remember, every day, what she's grateful for. That shift in focus helped her see possibilities rather than deficits. Finding gratitude each day helps me remember I am not alone, that I have and will have resources to face the unknowns ahead.
I am thinking of fear more as a dance these days. I have to move with it rather than try to conquer it. Eckart Tolle says; "Worry pretends to be necessary, but serves no useful purpose." The only "real" thing is the present moment. Worry keeps us from being fully engaged in present reality. It keeps us from recognizing and accessing the resources we have. Employing these practices, doesn't take away dangers, nor will it prevent grief and loss. It does help me stop creating the worst in my imagination. Then I can stay focused on what I want to be creating and get back into the forward momentum of my life.
